day one.

 The first day back on campus brings a whirlwind of feelings. Before leaving I felt happy. I had just received two meaningful good-bye gifts from two incredibly wonderful people, many hugs and kind words, and texts from a friend on campus wanting me to hurry up and get there. I felt loved, wanted, happy. (How foolish it is that happiness depends so much on external things. A personal goal of mine is to be happy and content regardless of others' views of me because currently when people like me, I'm happy. When people don't, I'm not. No good.) 
Once I got on campus, however, the stress attacked. I, the extreme introvert, surrounded by loud, happily-reunited Frannies (our pet name here for Franciscan students) suddenly felt so alone. After lifting and moving our beds, shelves and desks around the room for over an hour...

#stressedthefrickout

 I wandered around the campus with my roommate, Molly, hoping to run into friends and find some food. But then I suddenly realized that I'm not on speaking terms with two of my closest friends and so by extension the acquaintances we would hang out with. This reminder only added to my anxiety already caused by having to unpack everything and put our room together. We walked on. My anxiety mounted. And then a car drove by with my old roommate and next-dorm-neighbor, Becca and Melissa. Melissa jumps out of the passengers' seat and hugs me, dragging me closer to the car. "Grab her! Grab her! Pull her in the car! Kidnap her!" Becca yelled as she reached out, grabbed me and pulled me into back seat with her across her lap. This goofy, funny, fricking awesome sign of affection really made my mood better. This was followed by a nice dinner when I opened up to Molly about some things that I had messed up and done this summer. This is something I've been working on. I am an extremely guarded individual. I don't trust. But I've been pushing myself and I think it will pay off.
The night got better as we finally got our room put together:

I had to put my desk together first because it's my little study-safe-haven-place. I will add more photos as the rest of the room comes together. It's going to be good.
Well, that is a short summary of today. Now off to the showers and then the adoration chapel. I live on chapel wing so my Peace and Joy is only a hundred feet or so away. I have been yearning for Him this whole stress-filled day. I just want to go and collapse before the One who knows me totally and loves me completely anyway. There is nothing to hide from Him and I able to breathe. 

With love,
Liz