Relationships & Socialness

O Saturday, restful Saturday. I spent the night in Becca's and Melissa's room, woke up around 10:30am, got lunch with Melissa and then spent the rest of the afternoon chilling in the JC curled up in a chair doing homework, fan-girling over my own tattoo and talking to Melissa and Hailey (a fellow softball player) Go, social powers, activate!
Life is so very boring without sacrifice. I was talking to a friend about what it's like dating people with problems like depression and I was confused by his outlook which was very different than mine. He thought that at our age we should have relationships simply for fun, enjoyment and (I'd assume) for sex. My reaction to that is just how incredibly shallow and boring that sounds. I feel so fulfilled helping and sacrificing for others. I find certain people truly intriguing and so I want to know how they work, what makes them fight, breathe and cry. A relationship consisting of only jokes and sex sounds so boring to me. Don't get me wrong, I love joking around, being stupid and laughing till my side hurts just as much as anybody but I also crave more than that. I want conversation, insight, perspective, and personality. That's why some of my friendships die out because (my own fault) I am incapable of opening up to them and so the friendship becomes shallow and superficial to me -- only concerned with jokes. Which is fine but, especially for a dating relationship, just could not work well. So, life without the fight, the chase, the hurt, and the victory just seems bland and almost pointless to me. There is no growth without struggle and no betterment of person without challenge. Just a little tangent, ramble, fun fact about how I think for ya there :)

it's friday fridaaaaaay

I hate waking up but I love being awake. Molly and I went to breakfast this morning before her 8am. Not only was I rewarded by lovely company but by white chocolate chip raspberry scones (go, caf, go!)  These scone are sold by the on-campus coffee shop, Jazzman's, but sometimes you can get them for free ("free" meaning not paid for on the spot with points. With the amount paid for the meal plan one should expect scones by the truck load but noooo... >.<) at the caf if you get there early enough (before 8am) Another incentive of mine for waking up so early was that I needed to finish up some homework for my classes because I'm all over this whole "be a good student" thing. 
I'm am always being reminded of how much of it's own little world Franciscan is. For example, Molly and I had this conversation over scones and coffee:
*Molly looks distractidly over my shoulder"
Me "What are you looking at?"
Molly "Ooh, just this cute guy... but he's sitting with Living Stones."
Me "Oooh! Never a good sign...sorry."
Hehe. Living Stones is one of the priestly discernment households. All of the guys in that household are most likely going into the seminary and are off limits to girls who do not wish to become "that girl who charmed her way in, stole Jim's heart and took him away from the priesthood*tssk tssk*" Maybe it was God's plan for you to charm poor Jimmy's heart but... it may not be. So just chill out. 
Melissa and I took more photos today :) ya'll should go check out her blog : 
( http://theyoungfashionist.blogspot.com ) cheeeccckkk it! 

foot tattoo shot :P

I am so pumped for my Creative Writing class. We've been doing lots of fun exercises and I'm really excited to start creating my own characters and story lines. SO MUCH PUMPED. 

Melissa, Becca and I spent the rest of the day lazing around in the grass looking up grad schools and possible living situations. Melissa wants me to live with her in the San Diego area after graduation -- an idea to which at first I say "No! I love Cleveland!" and secondly "No, I really should push myself out of my comfort zone." Everything about it scares me: the flying, the moving, packing, lack of autumn, too much sunshine and Californians :P But I want to do something so incredibly out of my comfort zone. Plus Cali would probably be a good place for a multi-media type job or go to grad school for English. We shall see. But as of now Cali out of graduation seems like a pretty sick plan.

speech & blah

Today I only had one class -- Advanced Comp I. My professor showed us a video to begin the class that I thought was absolutely brilliant and I just had to share it.

In an attempt to be "nice" it seems that many people become wishy-washy on their own positions so to not offend. But true charity involves desiring the other to possess the truth. If one thinks he knows what is true then, out of charity, he should speak up. Debate and a unified search for good can begin (or thats the way it ought to work) I think this poem is so needed today.

Today wasn't too eventful other than hanging out with Becca and Melissa all day and convincing Melissa to come back to Cleveland with me for our 4 day fall break (!) and so I thought about not posting about it. I decided, however, that posting about each and every day -- even just routine days -- helps me realize that each and every day is worth living and ought not to be taken for granted. Just a little thought :)

hump day

*buzz buzz* *buzz buzz* "Meeehh, I don't wann- AH!!!" was my reaction this morning when my phone alarm finally woke me up at 8:41am after having been set for both 7:30am and 8:00am. I sprung (and by "sprung" I mean "groggily half climbed half fell" ) out of bed, threw on some clothes, mascara and a headband, chucked my books and binders in my backpack, grabbed a water bottle and power walked to my 9am class...and wasn't even late. BAM. Divine intervention. 
That class for which I was almost late was Accelerated Latin with the most adorable little professor ever. He's one of those profs who look angry and terrifying but is really a total sweetheart with a love for his subject and patience with his students. I am so relieved to be studying Latin with such a sweet man the next two semesters. 
Since I woke up so late for class this morning I didn't have time to get coffee. If you know me, you know what a huge problem this is. I need coffee like a good analogy needs a clever wit. I texted my good friend Ben "Beennn, could you please bring me coffee?!" He complied and I told him he was the best. Twas true. He brought my coffee to our shared 10am class Lyric and Dramatic Voices with the most brilliant professor to walk this planet, Dr. David Craig. I love this man. I freak out about him daily. He is funny, interesting, smart, devoutly Catholic but knows that people can be too quick to judge and too slow to listen. I love him. Ben and I emerged from that class fan-girling, pretty gosh darn hardcore fan-girling "O my gosh he is so so good. This class is the best! Eeeeeeh!"
The second class I had with him, Creative Writing, was even more amazing. His syllabus talks about the risk involved in writing a truly heartfelt character and writing about things to which you may not know the answer. He said, "Creative writing is about vulnerability. It is what it means to be a person. You can't write a good piece of creative writing with all of the answers." I died. What a beautiful quote. No brilliant work was written from a safe place -- I'm excited to push myself this semester.  And I did that very same class period. Instead of being the quiet one when put in a small group I pushed myself to laugh, joke around and contribute. Go, me, go. This theme of needing to be vulnerable has been following me around these past few weeks and I know I need to work more diligently on opening up to others before too many good things pass me by. 
My last class of the day included being given ketchup packets and looking at cool photo journalism things. Not too shabby :P
Other good things from today: Rocco bought me coffee, Matthew and I had a pleasant, friendly dinner and Joe and I talked about a fight we had this past summer. Good things. 

First day of classes

This morning began with a leisurely amount of time to get ready, visit the chapel and then head off for a nice breakfast with Melissa before walking together to our 9:30 class, Advanced Comp I. Let me describe this teacher (who I at first mistook for a student) She is young, blonde, well-dressed and highly opinionated. From our first class together I now know she is an environmentalist, pro-breast feeding, Victoria's Secret - hating, women's rights advocating, Catholic, married, mother of two, English professor named Becca (or Professor Becca if you're feeling formal.) I admire her firm "fight-for-my-beliefs-but-still-be-Rogerian-about-it" attitude but also find her deceptively terrifying -- a harsh critic under a sweet front. So we shall see. But I do find it greatly comforting to be taking this class with Melissa. She is such a beautiful person and is also a lover of writing & blogging. Hence our mini photo shoot after class...

I kept staring at my foot all day today and showing people and rambling and generally freaking out...

I want more. It's a problem. I want a big ol sunflower possibly on my thigh. I absolutely adore sunflowers -- they are so happy, hopeful and obnoxiously bright as if they're screaming at you "have joy, dang it!" I think it would be a perfect tattoo to cover up old scars but I don't know if I'm ready to let that part of me go yet. We shall see.

Anyways I'll leave this post for now. I hope to get a run in later tonight and go to bed early so that I can better face my 5 classes tomorrow :P

Sleep & Tattoos

Today was the day of sleep -- I slept in for the first time in at least a month and successesfully didn't fall off my first-ever-top-bunk-bed or hit my head on the too close ceiling above or crash to floor climbing off the bed in my groggy state with out a ladder. Go, me, go.
I also got over some anxieties from last year like brushing my teeth in front of people (all the judgement) and changing in front of my roommate. First semester I would tote my clothes down the hall and change in the bathroom (body image issues, ftw) but this summer has been a good one for coming to terms with my body.
Let me take this space here to express my gratitude for Molly's dealing with my introversion. Today, for example, she invited me to lunch with her and another friend but when I declined she didn't push me or think of me as a jerk loner. She understands that I need time right now -- time to unwind and get reacclimated with my surroundings. Instead of eating with her I went off the the JC (our student center) bought a meal exchange and a large coffee and took it back to my room, stripped down to a tank top, put on music, breathed and ate. I don't think I can ever adequately describe the amazing feeling of finally being alone. It's just such an immense relief.
And then I began writing this portion of this post. I love to write. That's one reason why I started this blog -- not because I think people care about my day but because I like rambling about it and I love to write. I'll take any excuse I can get.
NOW ON TO THE EXCITING PART... I got a tattoo *squeal* "Look at the birds of the air..." I love it. I absolutely love it. And it was only 50 bucks! Yes, it hurt. More than I expected. But for me pain isn't a big deal because it happens, it's over, and the reward lasts so much longer (Kinda like with piercings, surgery and childbirth... :P ) all the photos.....

:)

day one.

 The first day back on campus brings a whirlwind of feelings. Before leaving I felt happy. I had just received two meaningful good-bye gifts from two incredibly wonderful people, many hugs and kind words, and texts from a friend on campus wanting me to hurry up and get there. I felt loved, wanted, happy. (How foolish it is that happiness depends so much on external things. A personal goal of mine is to be happy and content regardless of others' views of me because currently when people like me, I'm happy. When people don't, I'm not. No good.) 
Once I got on campus, however, the stress attacked. I, the extreme introvert, surrounded by loud, happily-reunited Frannies (our pet name here for Franciscan students) suddenly felt so alone. After lifting and moving our beds, shelves and desks around the room for over an hour...

#stressedthefrickout

 I wandered around the campus with my roommate, Molly, hoping to run into friends and find some food. But then I suddenly realized that I'm not on speaking terms with two of my closest friends and so by extension the acquaintances we would hang out with. This reminder only added to my anxiety already caused by having to unpack everything and put our room together. We walked on. My anxiety mounted. And then a car drove by with my old roommate and next-dorm-neighbor, Becca and Melissa. Melissa jumps out of the passengers' seat and hugs me, dragging me closer to the car. "Grab her! Grab her! Pull her in the car! Kidnap her!" Becca yelled as she reached out, grabbed me and pulled me into back seat with her across her lap. This goofy, funny, fricking awesome sign of affection really made my mood better. This was followed by a nice dinner when I opened up to Molly about some things that I had messed up and done this summer. This is something I've been working on. I am an extremely guarded individual. I don't trust. But I've been pushing myself and I think it will pay off.
The night got better as we finally got our room put together:

I had to put my desk together first because it's my little study-safe-haven-place. I will add more photos as the rest of the room comes together. It's going to be good.
Well, that is a short summary of today. Now off to the showers and then the adoration chapel. I live on chapel wing so my Peace and Joy is only a hundred feet or so away. I have been yearning for Him this whole stress-filled day. I just want to go and collapse before the One who knows me totally and loves me completely anyway. There is nothing to hide from Him and I able to breathe. 

With love,
Liz