Comeback Kid

Hi.
Hi, hello there, hi.
*sheepish wave*
It most certainly has been a long time now, now hasn't it? A very long time. I guess here comes a brief over view/life update and the things I've learned along the way.

1.) CLEVELAND.
Ain't she lovely?

I have been living back home in Cleveland this semester and have also taken this semester off from classes. At a certain point pushing through mental breakdowns and the like is just a waste of mind and money.

2.)The Bakery...
Where I sometimes make cookies like this:

 And complain about having to go in like this:

 And have wonderful customer-free shifts like this:

coworkers take the dining room

 And have sweet notes left for me like this:

 And work with crazy Albanian women like this:

I've been working 40 hours a week since coming back. Let me tell you, working that much with a full class load and mental problems does not work out too well. O well. Life is life, stories gained, and it moves on.

3.) Poetry People

So, I normally don't befriend females all too frequently. But I found some fantastic word-wise ones. Poetry brings people together, man. And I have been writing lots of it.

 And have become especially close with some -- pictured here hanging out at Becky's. That's another thing, Becky's is the most perfect neighborhood bar.ever. And has free wifi, a parking lot, hot chocolate, and brick walls.

Jake Pastor and my left elbow pictured here:

And it all began with one boy. Who also just wrote me a letter:

5.) Health Food & Yoga

A large part of my life recently has been playing submissive to depression. Eating cookies and bread all day, sleeping till 2pm simply because I don't want to exist, and giving up on a hope for a better self. SO. To combat that I like to drink loads of water, buy & eat much healthier food, and exercise.

 I've been becoming a HUGE fan of yoga. It's all about the union of body and mind and pushing past pain and boundaries because your body is potent. Capable. Powerful. Yours. Not to lose weight or sculpt it. Those are some happy accidents, mind you, but primarily because they are pushed to the background.

 Moderation, self-care, priorities, and being self forgiving. Those are the steps. It will be okay.

6.) And This Fantastic Life Lesson:

Let the things you love lift you up and inspire you. Make you happier and gladden your soul. 

with love,

Liz

The Need for Creation

Self care is not in the large things. The victories are externally small and mundane but internally immeasurable. 

I know I talk about this topic quite frequently but, as it is a central problem in my day to day life, I keep wanting to write about it.

My current summer routine is to stay up until 3:30am, sleep until 1pm, and go to work at 4pm. There are some exceptions in there but it stays pretty consistent. What do I do while I'm awake and not at work? Usually shut off my brain and consume the internet. Why? Because sometimes it is too hard to push myself to productivity or believe I could be so. So I slip off into a near-unconsious state of internet surfing knowing the whole time that I shouldn't. Same applies to sleeping so late; I do it because consciousness is hard. 

So how does this translate into self care? 

Exercising my mind and body.

Reading a book or writing -- actively working my mind and not letting it slip into passivity.
Doing some simple exercises or stretches. Even hoping online to open up a yoga video to give me something with structure. 

Personally I find that I feel drained and empty allowing myself to operate passively. Actively comprehending knowledge or plot from a book or pushing my body to embrace challenge for it's betterment make me feel alive, real, individual, and the potential for contribution and creation.

Anything is good in small doses. Over sleeping and internet consumption have always been a form of escape. Turn off, shut down, and reality doesn't exist. 

You are a unique, competent individual. Choosing to become merely passive and consume other people's work, lives, and thoughts is a disservice to yourself, who you can be, and what you can create.  Human beings possess an innate desire for creation.

Creation is not limited to pencil or word but is in everything you, well, make. A meal, family, house, anything that you have taken, shaped, and put yourself into.  It makes us feel alive.

New Happy Things

Hello wonderful human beings!

So here is just a little list of things that have been making my material world a better place lately :P

1.) SCENTED CANDLES. 

In particular the Water Lily & Aloe ones from Target. A lot of scented candles are too sweet or overpowering in someway but these are perfect -- light, clean, and fresh. Love.

candle, candle, burning bright....

2.) Home-Roasted Coffee & Co-workers.

Sunday evening I drove one of my co-workers, Adam, to an art gallery so that he could drop of his work. After that he treated me to Piccadilly's (YUM!) and we went back to his apartment where his dog knocked me over with some loving. We took her to the park and just had a relaxing, enjoyable time. Before I left he gave me a jar of home-roasted coffee beans spiced with cinnamon & nutmeg. It smelled like heaven and tasted delicious. He had named the blend "over it" because by the time he had finished he was "so over" making it. 

This all made me so happy not only because they were good events & good coffee but because it was my first real time hanging out with this guy outside of work & I have admired and thought he was a freaking boss my past 3 years of working there. For him to enjoy my company in return makes me so happy. 

Shout out to his work here: http://www.adammarkanovic.com

3.) Alice in Wonderland Mug

I LOVE IT. Bought in Cali & looks like my childhood. WIN. 

{These photos were taken before work while consuming Adam's coffee}

PERFECTION. 

 4.) Cheap Make Up
Lemme tell you, Nordstrom Rack is the place to be. Super nice things for very affordable prices. I found Stilla make up for $3-4 dollars -- cheaper than the drugstore! Win.
The brown & green ones are glitter but the brown one is surprisingly wearable. It's soft and not overpowering. 

5.) Urban Outfitter's Sweatshirts.

The first one here is black with Looney Tunes: Bugs, Taz, and Daffy. Looney Tunes are my life. I own a collection of the episodes, Space Jam was my all time favorite movie, and as a kid (...and now...) my favorite concert at Blossom was the Cleveland Orchestra playing the soundtrack as people spread out on blankets and watched the cartoons roll on huge screens *sigh*

 Now of course I only shop the sale section at Urban so each of these were about 20 bucks. They are well made, adorable, and suuuuper soft and comfy. All I do is win, win, win, no matter what... got money on ma mind....

 The second one is this grey with the black outline of an elephant. It also has some gold detail one it. lovelovelove.

 These will be staples in my 2014 Fall wardrobe. I can invision it now... I'll have a 9am class and want 30mins to get to campus. I will finally awake to my phone telling me it's 8:20. I'll spring up, chuck on a sweater and some jeans, grab some coffee, and the day is saved :D

Well, that's that. I hope you & yours are finding the little things to make daily existence a bit more pleasant.

 That's all folks!

 with love,

Liz

HEYA

Hello world! Hello long neglected blog!

Well, well, well.

I've been home for the summer for about 2 months now. I've been working loads, visiting Cali, and being my normal stressed out self =P 
I've been thinking -- as usual -- about how motivation and self worth have to be completely internal and independent of any external causes. For example, having good employment, good people in my life, sitting in my room curled up in sweatpants, a scented candle burning, and a yummy drink should make me feel content, capable, good. Why then do I still give up and do things like binge? Murp. I'm going to have to work very hard this semester to make myself work to degree to which I can and not sell myself short. It is very hard. But since I'm only taking four classes I'm hopeful.

Random fact of the day -- straws are friggin awesome. I am far too impatient to sip my coffee like a normal person so I need a straw to sip it quickly into my blood stream :D  YAY.

Anyway... my current life plan is a year in Cleveland, a year back at Franny U, a year in England, some time in China, then... who knows? 

I hope you -- whoever you are, wherever you are -- are having a wonderful day filled with hope and excitement. 
:)

with love,

Liz

salad & canada

I made the best salad evvvvveeerrrrr....looookk!

 Lettuce, grilled chicken, strawberries & pistachios.

YUM YUM YUM YUM

Pistachios are interchangeable with almonds for me buuuttt either way it's a delicious combination. And healthy. 

:D

 Also, my mom is the best at picking out gifts. She brought me back these lovely things from my her & my dad's trip to Canada.

A lovely journal, bird scarf & Shakespeare air freshener. 

I felt like a kid peeping out from behind shelter into the great unknown... I can be happy. I have reason plenty and I am able to let myself be happy and excited about life...

But that led me into a long internal debate about what happiness is and if it actually, well, is.

We shall see ;)

with love,

Liz

sunshine!

My new favorite thing: re-using Starbucks venti cups. Yush :D

YAY ICED COFFEE

Sunlight is powerful. Durp.

So I went back inside and changed into a tank top and grabbed my sunglasses. Let me tell you, after coming back inside I was basically blind in my dark, cool house. Stupid sun. Yay sunglasses!

 I recently finished the first novel in this collection, This Side of Paradise. I just started The Beautiful and Damned -- gotta love Fitzgerald.

 Summa time whhaaaaat?!

 SELFIE. APPARENTLY. 

 Coffee & water. Them staples, yo. 

 This was a shockingly comfortable way to read, actually.

 Who needs Cali when you have an 8 foot radius of sunlight in the Heights!? ;)

Also, look at my new piercing! I was going to get a snug but apparently I don't have one o.0

Sooo I got a high conch piercing. I really really like it. My right ear had been lonely with just a rook -- it needed a friend ;)

I stayed out here for about and hour and a half until I got kicked out by a deer.

This young doe popped up from behind the garage about 20 feet away from me and we made eye contact. I was just quietly observing until she started bobbing her head and stopping her hooves. I booked it. She stayed still staring at me safely perched on our porch for a good 10 mins.

#neardeathexperience

;)

with love,

Liz

headband free, yo

die, trich, die

This first photo is from 3-4 months ago after letting my hair grow for about 1 - 1/2 months. Trust me, this was a huuuge improvement -- I actually had hair there :P

 This photo is from today. I'm actually at a point now there I can comfortably not wear a headband and actually enjoy it!

Having bangs is a luxury I have long missed and let me tell you... damn it feels good!

To any of you also struggling with trichotillomania -- there is hope! There are other outlets for your stress and you can do it. It's going to be okay :)

My main struggle was making myself aware of the times and places I was pulling and trying to keep my hands busy.

The more I said "no" the easier it became.

It's definitely difficult -- don't let anybody tell you other wise -- but you can do it.

For me, I got to a point where I was so pissed at not having hair that I made myself change. I hope & pray that you can find your own motivation to take care of yourself and do your body good.

It is possible!

with love,

Liz